How it came to be:  

  The story began when I first learned that the Massachusetts Supreme Court had the ability to change my life forever.  Sometime before last summer I heard that the court was going to hear the case Goodridge v. Dept. of Public Health  and the buzz was, rule positively, allowing gay marriage to finally commence.  I began to follow the story by signing up for email lists related to gay marriage in both Massachusetts and California.  AB205 a more in depth domestic partner bill was sure to pass in Sacramento, but since I always felt that what I wanted was full marriage rights and responsibilities, I was more interested in what was going on in Mass.  After anxiously waiting for the ruling for more than six months the  Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled 4-3 in favor of civil marriage.  The outcry was heard far and wide.  It was up to the court to now decide on how to implement that, whether to allow Vermont style civil unions or full marriage.  In it's statement the Court said if we (same sex partners) are:

"Barred access to the protections, benefits, and obligations of civil marriage, a person who enters into an intimate, exclusive union with another of the same sex is arbitrarily deprived of membership in one of our community's most rewarding and cherished institutions.  That exclusion is incompatible with the constitutional principles of respect for individual autonomy and equality under the law."

  I was elated because I felt sure that statement would hold true and nothing short of full civil marriage for same sex couples would prevail. Three amendment proposals to save the "sanctity" of marriage while allowing  some sort of almost like civil union have failed so far in the legislature. The outcome in Massachusetts is now unknown at least until March 11th.

   Meanwhile in San Francisco we elected a young mayor named Gavin Newsom.  Liberal Democrat Newsom won in a run off election on December 10th against an even more liberal Green Party Candidate named Matt Gonzalez. On the gay marriage issue in San Francisco,  AB205 had passed, but nothing much else happened until January when Assembly member Mark Leno announced that he was going to introduce another bill AB1967, titled "the California Marriage License Nondiscrimination Act," which essentially allows full civil marriage for same sex couples.  Mark Leno instantly became a champion of our cause.

 On February 4th, I received this in my email from marriage equality California:  

SAN FRANCISCO FREEDOM TO MARRY DAY ACTION
February 12: Freedom to Marry Day action. Ask for marriage licenses at
SF City Hall! Meet out front no later than Noon. Come with your
partner, dress to impress or just come by yourself and demand your rights!

  Shortly after, within days, Gavin Newsom acknowledged receipt of a proposal to "end the discrimination of not granting marriage licenses to same sex couples",  by asking him, "not to issue marriage licenses to anyone."   Anticipating what had become the usual reply we decided we would attend the "Freedom to Marry Day Rally" on February 12th, and ask for a marriage license.

On February 9th, I received this email from marriage equality California:

==================================================
"Marriage, Anything Less Is Less Than Equal"
==================================================

Please attend and spread the word for this lunch hour of activism this
Thursday!
                                                          
SAME-SEX COUPLES TO ASK FOR MARRIAGE LICENSES AT SAN FRANCISCO COUNTY
CLERK’S OFFICE

WHAT:SF’S 5th Annual FREEDOM TO MARRY WEEK EVENT OF GAY AND LESBIAN
COUPLES STANDING UP FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIPS BY GETTING TURNED DOWN IN
THEIR REQUEST FOR A CIVIL MARRIAGE LICENSE. 

DATE:            THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH -    
                 RALLY San Francisco CITY HALL STEPS @               
NOON (Civic Center side)

WHO:Marriage Equality California Executive Director MOLLY MCKAY,
ASSEMBLYMEMBER MARK LENO, Equality California Executive Director GEOFF KORS,
Board of Equalization Board Chair CAROLE MIGDEN, SAN FRANCISCO
SUPERVISORS TOM AMMIANO and BEVAN DUFTY will speak in support of access to
civil marriage for same-sex couples. 

WHY: February 9-14,2003 is the 8th Annual National Freedom to Marry
Week.  Assembly member Mark Leno will introduce the Marriage License
Non-Discrimination Act and MECA will explain why the Domestic Partnership
laws enacted through  AB205 is insufficient and why anything less than
full marriage equality is less than equal and will ensure second class
citizenship for same-sex families.

 We were now certain to attend the rally.

  The next day February 10th Mayor Newsom shocked everyone by re-iterating the Massachusetts Supreme Court's decision that only full, equal marriage rights for gay couples — rather than civil unions — would be constitutional  and that he would ask the County Clerk to change the marriage-license form so that gays and lesbians could wed. Wednesday he acknowledged that such a move could lead to a court battle over whether such unions are lawful in California, but promised to see well-crafted documents created that could be defended with the help of volunteer gay-rights attorneys.

  Assembly Member Mark Leno was soon going to introduce AB1967, and now Mayor Newsom was going to turn it up a notch by instructing the county clerk to change the marriage-license form to accommodate same sex unions.  What did all this mean? I fell asleep Tuesday night wondering if the rally and asking for marriage licenses was going to take place.

The next morning February 11th, I received this email from marriage equality California:

==================================================
"Marriage, Anything Less Is Less Than Equal"
==================================================

If you were considering whether or not to attend MECA's "Asking for
Marriage Licenses" event tomorrow at noon at SF City Hall, perhaps in
light of Mayor Newsom's pledge of support you should make it after all. 
Who knows what will be in store for us - I recommend wedding garb and
water-proof mascara - tomorrow could be the day!

Here is a blurb from NCLR on the issue:

The National Center for Lesbian Rights strongly supports and applauds
Mayor Newsom's commitment to put an end to unlawful marriage
discrimination against same-sex couples in San Francisco.  Mayor Newsom has
directed the County Clerk and the City Attorney to determine how the county
can implement this commitment and begin issuing marriage licenses to
same-sex couples.  The timeline for making this determination is not yet
known.    
 
The key legal question is whether the gender-based restriction on
marriage in our state marriage statute is constitutional, or whether
excluding all lesbian and gay couples from the right to marry violates the
state constitution by discriminating on the basis of gender and sexual
orientation.  NCLR strongly supports the Mayor's belief that the
restriction is unlawful, and that he has both the authority and the
responsibility to uphold our highest state law by permitting same-sex couples to
marry, on an equal basis with different-sex couples.  The mayor is not
proposing to disregard or flout state law; very much to the contrary he is
proposing to interpret and apply state law in a constitutional manner,
which is his legal duty.  
 
This is not a symbolic gesture.  This is about real families, and the
legal consequences will be very real.  If and when same-sex couples are
able to obtain marriage licenses and marry in San Francisco, they will
be legally married.  Of course, just because these couples are legally
married does not mean they will not face discrimination.  We expect
that when same-sex couples in San Francisco marry, they will face a
mixture of acceptance and discrimination.  For example, many companies are
already treating lesbian and gay employees who married in Canada the same
as they treat heterosexual employees who are married.  This is a
transitional time, as we move from a culture of discrimination into a culture
of acceptance and equal rights. 
 
The mayor's initiative will also build support and momentum for
Assemblyman Mark Leno's legislation, which he will be introducing this week,
to amend the state marriage laws to eliminate the unlawful gender
restriction in those statutes.  Equality California, the state's leading LGBT
advocacy group, is co-sponsoring Leno's bill and also strongly support
Mayor Newsom's initiative.
 
It is tremendously heartening to live in a state with elected officials
who have the courage to speak up for what is right and the integrity to
stand with our community.

What happened that day:

The morning of February 12th 2004 was pleasantly sunny and mild.  We wanted to attend the rally and lend our support so we headed down to City Hall.  It was approaching noon when we crossed the plaza.  As we neared, I noticed a blond woman dressed in a white wedding gown was being interviewed on camera.  I saw others approaching.  As many as 50 people were beginning to gather around.  A group of about 20 or so began peacefully chanting by calling for equal rights and civil marriage.  Someone was passing out stickers that said "Freedom To Marry."  I proudly displayed one on my chest, but I was hesitant to join in the chanting.  We remained slightly disconnected as I was not sure what was going on.  It seemed to me that I wasn't the only one, since I over heard people wondering if we had actually missed the rally.  I remembered that the email said noon, so I figured that somebody would step up to the podium shortly.  Tom Ammiano, City Supervisor, was the first to step to the podium and talk about the recent events.  He then announced that some sort of surprise was in store for us.  He introduced Mark Leno, who announced that he had just introduced his bill AB1967 this morning in Sacramento and that he, Mayor Newsom, Mabel Teng, the SF Assessor, were working together to fight for our rights.  Then the blond woman in the white wedding dress who was actually Molly McKay, stepped up to the podium, made a rousing speech, got heckled by a bigot, and sang "Times They Are a Changin."  She then announced, "lets go get married."

  Stunned and still unsure, we passed the security entrance of City Hall and for the first few moments wandered aimlessly with a group of about 10 people all seeking licenses.  Words began to trickle down to us that we were not going to be turned down. You could feel the excitement start to elevate.  Shouts "we're getting licenses" were heard as we approached the county clerk's office.  We were about 20 people now waiting on a line.  Another group of about 20 in front of us had entered another room.  A gentleman handed us applications for licenses.  The terms Bride and Groom were changed to Applicant #1 and Applicant #2.  We remained in the hall to a room that was a waiting room located just outside the clerk's office. 

  Soon after, we were ushered passed the outer waiting room and directly into the clerk's office where we turned in the application and were handed a number.  We were number 81. The cost would be 82 dollars, cash or check.  Thankfully, Temo had a check.  The excitement in the Clerk's office was evident.  Couples were already being issued licenses, three to four couples at a time, utilizing all available desks and clerks.  You could see people raising their hands and swearing something and then being congratulated by others around them as flash bulbs went off. This was only for the marriage license. It felt like a dream. We were told to please wait in the outer room until we see our number appear on the board.  I didn't want to leave all the excitement of the inner room, but it was necessary.

   I'll never forget the faces of the other couples as we filled out our checks. Everyone was glowing with pride. We talked of surprise and wonder, but mostly of happiness.  Every other couple that I spoke to in that outer room had been together almost as many years as our 16 years, if not longer.  We were all eager to get married and we knew we were making history. I started to see the line form behind us as the news began to spread from City Hall about what was taking place. The word had gotten back to us that Mark Leno was in the rotunda already performing ceremonies.

   It said on the application that you had 90 days from issuance of the license, to get married.  It suddenly began to sink in.  We don't have 90 days, we don't have one week, we may only have this day.  Dozens were being married by city officials all around City Hall. A couple that had already been wed in the rotunda and then returned to support their friends were holding the official Marriage Certificate.  I saw the imprinted stamp and almost cried. 

   As the board turned to number 79, we looked at each other.  We agreed we should go into the Clerk's Office since we were only 2 numbers away.  Others, including us, were being interviewed and photographed by many in the news media as we waited our turn.  Flashes were going off again as couples were being sworn and given licenses.  When our number was called, we signed another form, made sure everything was correct, paid the fee, and then were told that our name would be called when our license was ready.  When our names were called we approached the counter and did the swearing thing, but no flash bulbs went off, no congratulations. 

    People were talking about going to another room, 190, to get the certificate.

   As we left the County Clerk's office and passed the outer waiting room to the hallway, we had noticed that the line grew 50 strong.  Once again we were wandering aimlessly as we witnessed couples filing passed us who literally dropped everything they were doing that day to rush down to City Hall and get married. 

  Now we were in the rotunda and saw Mark Leno presiding over a same sex ceremony.  The I do's, then "I now pronounce you Spouses for life",   followed by the kiss, the flash bulbs, and the applause. 2 couples were having their ceremonies performed by Mark Leno and Mabel Teng.

  Sophie Maxwell, a City Supervisor, after seeing that I had the license in my hand, asked us if she could perform our ceremony right there on the rotunda.  We looked at each other, we were sure we wanted to be married, this was a dream come true.  Whatever happens in the days ahead, right now we can get married, exchange our vows, and have it presided over, signed, sealed, and delivered by a city dignitary.

   Yes. I do. I will. I have wanted to for 16 years and I still want to.  Sophie then said we need a witness, so like in the movies we grabbed the nearest person.  He said he would be honored as his tears proved him right.  It all happened so fast as we mumbled, bumbled, and fumbled with the last minute arrangements.  Supervisor Maxwell is soft spoken and has a very sweet manner.  I could see tears in her eyes as she pronounced us "Spouses for Life".  More congratulations and more ceremonies followed continuously.  We had one more stop. To bring the now performed over, witnessed, and signed document to Room 190 and to file while paying another $13.00 fee to receive the officially stamped legal Marriage Certificate.

We're married now.

And we reside where we have always resided.

And how was your day?